surreal
it is weird.
this feeling that i have.
it came in just one lines – you have been accepted for medicine for the academic year of 2008-2009.
no congratulations, no sugar coating on that line. but this line, this particular line, changed my world and all that i know of it in just 2seconds, the time i took to read that line. followed by a heck lot of squealing, tears and sharp short breaths. and for that moment i was happy, elated even, doubtful [more like: what-the -heck, how?] delighted and so thankful.
then came the mixed feelings of leaving home, my friends, my family, this familiarity. leaving. the feeling of leaving. even though its just a four hour drive down, the thought of leaving, the thought of change- big changes, scares me. but change is good, right? it’s like being chucked out of your comfort zone and forced into something completely and entirely new. and its scaryy.
next came this feeling of excitement, the moment i scanned through the halls for accommodation and as i made my ‘to-do-list’. its like bubbling inside of me, this happy, joyful, fuzzy feeling of not knowing what will happen the next two months, being with new people, new environment and new company gives me a thrill to know that i’m going somewhere. and its driving me crazy to know that i’ve waited my whole life to get here and i’m finally here!
I’m blessed with so many things in my life, that i don’t even know where to begin. it’s this feeling, all jumbled up, that makes it so difficult to describe in words. it kinda feels weird, in a good way. and i know it’ll be very hard to say my goodbyes.
sigh
its over. so over.
sigh.
results are out in two days time. sigh. knowing that your whole life and medical career depends on a single word of pass/fail, really sucks. oh wait, actually it depends on the small slip that will be handed to you by people from the AAD with smiling faces and all the politenes in the world, saying ” and your ID number is?” and you’re practically shitting in your pants from all the tension and fear. yup. no running from that. the tension so thick in the air, you could slice it with a knife.. sigh.
on a much lighter note, the exams are over :) and i’ve been having a good time (will update soon) not having anything to do and catching up with new and old friends, no preplanned study group sessions, no chapters to cover, no notes to rush/print, and no exams to fuss about. the feeling really feels… light, and its a very very nice feeling, so i’m going to swim in this emotion for awhile, this light-happy-free feeling before it gets raped from me. the exams however, was heart breaking. well, what do you know, having your heart broken twice in a year, isn’t really my year now isn’t it. sigh.
but it’s true, so i’m dealing with it, head held up high, shoulders squared back, and a smile on my face…
but that’s after i turn around and puke my guts out.
*fingers crossed*
pray with us.
2wo
its easier said than done, the task that is at hand, whether its forgetting and letting go of the past, or whether its trying to stay focused on the present, i.e. not dropping out of med school, or not loosing sight of the future. sometimes it feels like everything is so well kept inside, the secrets, the lies, the stolen kisses, and the truth. makes it so unbelievable that all this while, admist the hectic timetable of our lives, we have time to bring our thoughts back to memories, etched into our emotional part of us, to be more exact the frontal lobe of the brain as well as the associated areas of the brain *tee-hee* [correct me if i'm wrong] bah. rid yourself off me, things that i no longer need in life to be happy, because i AM happy, just the way i am.
this is my brain after spending the day… in the library, mugging for exams which is TWO days away. sleep less. and waiting for NUS page to load.. i don’t have the patience, haven’t even showered. eeek. another day then. pumped up and ready to go for the EOS, we can do this people. all those reading.. read and then go study kay. two more days. 48hours. just breathe and take the dive.
Loving Father,
Source of all wisdom,
help me to use my time
and my intelligence wisely
as I prepare for my exams.
Help me to dispose myself
to listen to Your Holy Spirit,
so that You, as my Loving Father,
may place me in a state of prayer
and lead me to understand
that the supreme wisdom
is knowing I am Your child.
Help me to remain serene
so that my work may truly reflect
this profound truth.
Mary, Mother of my spiritual life,
guide me in the ways of your Son,
so that my work may help
to transform this world for His glory.
Amen.
and we say Amen to that. much love.
so you want to be a doctor, eyyy?
wake up. eat. study. shit. study. eat. study. sleep
think again.
think lonngg.
think hardd.
you sure?
-
-
-
hell yeah.
10days and counting.
almost there. almost.
where now?
hello my lovelies :)
i’m back! from a very very much needed break in my hometown and down at singapore. Now, I’m currently wallowing in self pity, for not studying for the past weeked, which means I’ve practically wasted four studying solid days. sigh. I’m so dead this time. EOS is no joke, and its been in my head for the past weekend, actually, its the only thing that’s been in my head every waking minute, sleep and EOS.
I’m thankful the interviews are over, and I really really reallyyy hope that I can make it through. Thats like three reallys times a gazillion mind you. sigh. It was surprisingly easy *stares* despite what others have told me, very friendly people, but of course as you enter the room/building, you can feel their brainwaves oozing out, all the smartness, and then yeah, kind of intimidating, but then I just remind myself that I’ve got killerr friends back home who’ve supported me all the way, it goes away… sort of :) unfortunately, my nerves did get the best of me when I was talking to the deans.. *slaps self* what to do, i get the jitter bugs when talking to famous-smart-smart people. the alumni panel was alright, very comfortable. so now the waiting and the hoping begins.
thank you. you know who you are. for ALL those times you’ve helped me. hahahah. and put up with my nonsense. i miss you guys like crazyy even if it was just for the past weekend. It’s like being detached from something, missing my organs.
well and thats that. study people. if you are reading this, EOS is THIRTEEN days away. so please save me and save yourself go study, text me when u see this and give me a good whacking for blogging instead of mugging over the 182 lecture notes plus MMS pictures. much love.
yeah, like seriously, this is what my room is right now.
talk about having issues. pfft.
oo darling, cause you’ll always be my babyy.
that song has been looping over and over again on my computer. thank you person, now i can’t get enough of that song. its, super nice, sang by the one and only david cook, awesome lah. times are tough, but i’ve just got to proove that i can be tougher than that, and being tougher than that is draining me out. well, a girls got to do what a girls got to do ;)
i know this is damn random, but what the heck, i had the urge and holiday mornings make me less productive than usual..
and we’ll linger on,
time can’t erase a feeling this strong.
okay, back to the books.
much love dearies.
