Life was what happened :)

ahh bliss. the hectic month of march is coming to an end, and so are alot of the drama that surrounds all our lives. I’m certainly hoping for a less dramatic april and the months to come, lexx complicated the better, lest we be called ‘marieb’s anatomy’ again :)

Step one you say we need to talk
He walks you say sit down it’s just a talk
He smiles politely back at you
You stare politely right on through
Some sort of window to your right
As he goes left and you stay right
Between the lines of fear and blame
You begin to wonder why you came

summatives came and took us all by a storm. all those nights spent struggling trying to memories drugs, bacteria, viruses, and God knows what else sickness and symptoms there are in this world, will be continued!! because they’re not done with us yet, we still have one huggeee step left, our first professional exam, EOS1/2. You should have seen us on the day before exams, my tummy was twisted, churning and tumbling all throughout the morning, constantly needed to pee, and felt like puking *bleh* worst feeling yet. andd during the exams, especially during the pharmaco questions and parasites, I thought it’ll be better if I stabbed myself with the pencil I was holding rather than actually handing up the paper. one hour and fifteen mintues; went by without me realising it. feedback session was horrible, my heart felt like it was going to burst out from my thorax, and she just haaaaad to drag the session, I was on the verge of crying while waiting for the answers. sigh. All is well, wished i did better tho, but considering the month it has been, I’m darn proud of myself for ‘managing’ this far *pats self on the back*.

Let him know that you know best
Cause after all you do know best
Try to slip past his defense
Without granting innocence
Lay down a list of what is wrong
The things you’ve told him all along
And pray to God he hears you

stayed with the cousins and went out just so that we won’t forget how it feels like to actually not have something to worry about even if its for these four days break. long road to go my dears, but at least we have each other to hold on to *loves*. went out with the two besties, spent good time with them although i wished it was a sleepover instead, so much we need to say and yet so busy with our everyday lives, it’s true you know, life really doesn’t wait for anyone, even if you’re sad, angry, tired, it just pushes you on, and you have to keep runningg, even if you feel you could stop breathing anytime.

As he begins to raise his voice
You lower yours and grant him one last choice
Drive until you lose the road
Or break with the ones you’ve followed
He will do one of two things
He will admit to everything
Or he’ll say he’s just not the same
And you’ll begin to wonder why you came.

and today, I’m home sweet home, in the comforts of my own room. funny. I set my bags down on the floor next to a picture where it used to be so comforting to come home to. And now when I turn to face it, it seems like I never knew what the picture meant. All it took was for me to nick my finger while I was cutting my nails, to have tears streaming down my face. It felt like it was getting better, it really did, but i guess in the end, you never do heal completely from a wound that significant and that painful in your life, because it’s just so difficult to hurt the one you love, so I can never understand how someone I’ve known and loved for the past four years of my life, could have done so without even blinking. 

Well I never saw it coming
I should of started running
A long long time ago
And I never thought I’d doubt you
I’m better off without you
More than you, More than you know
I’m slowly getting closure
I guess it’s really over
I’m finally getting better
Now I’m picking up the pieces
and spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together

But that’s life I guess, you live, love, get hurt, get up again, pick up the pieces because no one else is going to do it for you. And you realise along the way, there are people who really do love you and you become their hope, dreams and wishes. To pull that away from them would be just as painful.

Thank you (you know who you are), for being the light in my world when everything seemed a bit too dark, for being my blankets of comfort when I was left cold, for fiercely telling me to wake up, for picking me up and dusting off the dirt when I fell hard and fast, for telling me that it’s okay to be sad, for teaching me that one of the most important gifts of life is the gift of forgiveness, for holding me tight and not letting go when times got hard, and for letting me know that it’s okay for things to be in shades gray. 

on top of all that, for constantly reminding me that you love me.

What doesn’t kill you only makes you stronger, right? let’s hope its true :)

*triple hugs*

every night she cries herself to sleep,
thinking why does this happen to me,
why does every moment have to be so hard..

i want to believe that

its not over tonight,
just give me one more chance to make things right,
i may not make it through the night,
i won’t go home without you.

you all can whack me 2mrw k because i am feeling emo today (: hang in there my dears.

some days, i really feel im not strong enough to handle medicine.

sometimes, i really believe that i just can’t do this anymore.

and i just want to give up.

…i’m just so tired…

and without you, it makes things even worst.

Pain, you just have to ride it out,
hope it goes away on its own,
hope the wound that caused it heals.
There are no solutions, no easy answers,
you just breath deep and wait for it to subside.
Most of the time pain can be managed
but sometimes the pain gets you where you least expect it.
Hits way below the belt and doesn’t let up.
Pain, you just have to fight through,
because the truth is you can’t outrun it and life always makes more.”

yah, im okay. im fine.

if that made any sense (:

i took out my sthethoscope today, held it in my hands and wonder, is this truly who i want to become, is this the path for me? i guess regardless on whether or whichever path we choose to follow, there will always… always be doubts, questions andd at times you feel, hardly any answers. you will neverr knoww (most of the time that is) whether you are doing the right thing at the right time and taking in the right moments.

and then i placed the diaphragm on my heart and listen..

and just listen.

as if oblivious to the surrounding world, my heart continues beating. same beat all the time, and God forbid, not missing one beat. no matter how tough, or how uncertain i may be, my heart seems to be set, seems to know what it needs to do and regardless of the situation carries on. but sometimes…

just sometimes.

you feel a skip in your heart.
or a sadness that overwhelms it.
or a numbing feeling of pain and lost

and all you want to do is curl up and say..

” hang in there. because beating on is what you must do”