i want to learn things, you no longer can teach.
*tension*
its great being on holiday, and finally after finishing college, honestly, you try to think of whats next and its just a blank. no preparations. and it all boils down to one single day. how freaky cool is that?
society is changing… it’s bit scary now to even step outside your own home. kind of make you think twice before moving about on your own.. people who are suppose to be in jail never get caught, people missing aren’t found, and people lives are put on hold because answers are not found.. people. human beings just like you and me. makes it kind of scarier when u think how close to home stories in newspaper are. sometimes i wonder if we really can just fade away into the chaos. but who are we to judge what was right and who was wrong.. and what their deserving punishments are. if it was me, heck ya, it would be alot more different..then again, who am i to judge.
if i go missing one day, would you notice? and will you come looking for me?
i wish.
i wonder where wishes go.. or in fact do all wishes come true? and if they don’t come true ( which i am very very sure not all wishes come true) , where do wishing wishes go?
we wish on almost everything and for me, i wish on a daily basis, silently wishing for a safe journey, or wishing for a reason to sneak out of the house, or just wishing for something to happen. we can wish on almost everything, birthday cakes, shooting stars, dandelions, first star in the night, fallen eyelashes… so who collects wish items? is there really a system? like the one i read in if you could see me now…
haha, i hope there is one, because i hope all your wishes come true :)
a way back into love.
:) i have a few favourite things in life. and the thing i love best has got to be rainbows, and then stars and then white fluffy clouds.
i love rainbows. especially the ones i see arch over a clear blue sky. they are so hard to find. so difficult to spot and goes away just as mysteriously as they appear… it’s like magic. and somehow seeing one on a gloomy sad day seems to make things all better again.
so tell me, what are your favourite things in life?
When 4our is a blessing and then some.
its true what they say, God let us choose our own friends and that itself becomes a circle of our own tiny family. i haven’t seen this family in such a long time i was begining to forget what it was like being in their company. we’ve known each other since we were 11/12/13, i can’t remember!!! [ again, i swear to you something is wrong with my brain!] we’ve seen each other through very good times and very bad and testing times but i’m proud to say we’ve made it this far.
i’m so effing proud of these three girls and love them so much that i can’t find the right words to say how much i freaking love them to bits and pieces. we’ve seen each other grow from long hair, short hair, black hair, light brown, brown, straight, curls and through the fats and thins, from uniforms to dresses and heels, from being innocent to down right not, but we STILL ARE, i insist, from fall-outs to forget-me-nots, from being single to boyfriends and breakups and make ups, and from seeing each other everyday until we get sick of each other to having annual meets and laughing and talking as if it was only yesterday when we last saw each other. amazing isn’t it, how you can miss each one of them like hell without even realising how much time has pass in between since you’ve last saw them. to nadia, umei and sha, i couldn’t have asked for more, so here’s to many more annual meets and some in between. i write karangans to them every now and then *smirks* but pictures are better at talking…
then there is the family where we also meet possible everytime the two of them, andrea and adrian come back from the land down under, and sometimes followed by tracy. also when carissa is not busy saving the world down south, and when tony is back from UIA..also when umei and i are free in no where but kl/subang/bkt rimau. conversations strike up as if we always meet. so much to say in so little time, meeting once is something thats simply not enough. we go for kopitiams and mamaks and pasta! movies and card games to lepaking at houses. those were the days. regardless how short the trip back home, its great to meet them all.
we’ve all grown, thats for sure, but somehow feels like things never changed. they still talk the same funny own way, and react to the same jokes and sometimes even asks the same questions *cough cough*
but this is what make friends friends, eh?
knowing that something stable will be there to fall back when u do feel like falling.
//seriously, love them.
my boyfriend smells like soap.
its been awhile since we’ve been together, and i still can’t put a finger on what he really smells like..so i’ve concluded that he smells like soap, and especially after he comes straight after a bath. he’ll specifically smell like johnson’s milk bath, the white one. it’s these kind of things that i try my best to remember very hard, like the way he sleeps and twitches when he does, and sometimes he blanks out and that scares me cause i don’t know whether he is just blur, in ‘deep’ thought or pissed off…these are the things, because i’m actually scared that i might be a git and forget.
unlike most couples i know, i don’t know our ‘anniversary’ date.
normally i would. and i’d like to think i’m very good at tracking dates when it comes to things like these. but then again, given our on off and on again history, it just doesnt seem to matter when, or how long we’ve been together. one thing is for sure, he still smells the same (ha!). despite the things that have happened in the past, its the past after all, and some how it feels like it was long long time ago, and because it feels like it never happened sometimes, life moves on and we just have to catch up form lost time, eh. being with him feels comfortable. we share comfortable silence, and comfort in doing nothing in particular but just being in each others company. i’m not sure whether its a good thing, but for now, just being with him is more than enough.. and that much i know.
it doesn’t matter to me that he doesn’t get me flowers or chocolates. bring me out for great big dinners. showers me with gifts every single day. writes love notes. take me to romantic getaways or takes me around the world. because the boyfriend saw me when i couldn’t see myself, caught me when i wasn’t aware i was falling, stood there and made damn sure he stayed there to be the rock that i needed even when i told him to go, is patient with me even when i loose my own patience, waits with me and for me, does stupid things to make me laugh, lets me be stupid to make him laugh, puts up with PMS every now and then, he understood when i felt like the whole world didn’t understand, says sorry even when there wasn’t a need for sorry, holds my hands and most importantly since the first time i met him till now, he made me feel safe.
and even if it doesn’t last, he’s given me enough memories to make it near impossible to forget, and has become a big part of my life and heart, it’ll be close to impossible not to stay friends regardless of what. might sound like a tofu for being head over heels, but i know deep down, although things may hurt and break, he also made it possible for me to be on my own and to love him enough to let go if there must come such a time.
he isn’t around for most parts of the year, and it’s difficult not physically having him around. of course i’m afriad and worried when it comes to what might happen not beacuse of loosing him, but i know what i may end up being without him. ironically, this fear is also what keeps me in believing. having him bits and parts of the year are good enough blessings for me. and sometimes i find myself staring hard into our pictures trying to memorise the lines across his face, or the conversations we were having while the picture was taken, just so that i can look until the faces become so unfamiliar, just so that when i close my eyes, i can happily map out the image, just so i won’t forget.
//i love you.
My favourite things.
You know the old old movie, which actually is still in my opinion one of the best movies i’ll ever see- the sound of music. where they go and sing a part in the movie and list out all their favourite things during a thunderstorm. i think that’s great. in a way that when times get difficult and scary and horrible and where the whole world just seems to grow fangs and you get so worried that you might just dissapear into thin air, you list out the number of favourite things in your life.. and then you realise just how many things that are worth fighting for.
perhentian. 10 hour bus ride. horrible unhygenic food stop. the petrol station in the middle of nowhere. the toilet with no flush. menstruation. giant. boat ride. prayer-wish-luck-biodegradable papers. ayumni’s house!the shark. the turtle. the octopus. girls room smells good. stink toilets. sun block. moisturiser. vaseline. life jackets. sand. lots of sand. the wide sea. googles and flippers. speed boats. funny boatman. funny guide. super divers. fish. lots of fish. striped fish. multi coloured fish. NEMO. turtle. chorals. lots of chorals. salt. lots of salt. taboo. charades.17 people plus 1. ms lee. baby poo potty. indian road builder. short to indian. aeon flux. willy wonka. cockroaches. all cockroaches are male. cup noodles. ghost stories. jungle trekking. mozzies. air force one. cocohut. pictures. beautiful beaches. wonderful company. thanks for the memories 0601PM6.
boyfriend. australia. krispy kreme and rock candy. home sweet home. airport. attacks. complications of the heart made simple. of just doing nothing. comfortable silence. stupid faces. together gether. movies and malls. window shopping and good dinners. oo gossip. tickles and IQ questions. lameness in you. never ending hugs and kisses. hard to say goodbye.
girlfriends. needless to say. yuemei. nadia. sha. three in a million :) annual birthday cum reunion dinner.
will continue.. want to post pictures, but my phone is being pissy with me, and i cant connect to the computer and im cranky. cranky people need sleep eh :)
what are ur favourite things?
//obligations.
tell me if you’d ever grow to be strong enough to say no.
and i smell like golden apple :) :) me likes.
